Its been awhile...

Well, it has been an interesting few weeks, I can say that... To be completely honest, I think I'm still in denial about what's been happening, like it hasn't sunk in yet. I haven't slept in bed yet; I've been sleeping on the couch. My joints are really starting to feel it too. I haven't cried since right after Matt's bus left. I would hate to be within 10 miles when that storm hits! A friend told me that once he leaves the country it will show itself.
Today wasn't a good day. I had a migraine most of the day and just wanted to lay down, which I couldn't do, which in turn made me really snappy with my poor kiddos. I thought I might cry today, but it didn't happen. I think I'm just too tired, if that makes sense. I just couldn't get motivated to do anything. My house is a disaster, the kids need laundry done, I don't think I have a clean spoon in the kitchen, and with the way I barked at my poor kids all day I'm out of the running for Mother Of The Year.

On the positive side, I'm back in the gym! I went 5 days last week, and the only reason I didn't go on Saturday was because I forgot to make an appointment for the kids in the Daycare Center, and I learned when I called to make an appointment for around 5 that evening they told me that they no longer have Daycare available on Saturday evenings. Mental Note: If I'm going to go to the gym on Saturday I have to be there by 10am or find an outside sitter!

Another great thing, I'm exploring the idea of flying to Louisiana to meet Matt for his last 4 day pass! He would meet me in New Orleans, which is about 100 miles from Camp Shelby. He would probably rent a car there in Hattiesburg so we could get around in New Orleans, not to mention actually get him there to pick me up at the airport! (Side note: Why do people use the phrase "not to mention"? You always "mention" when you say that!) Anyway, I tried to find a flight into Mississippi, but it really jacked the rates up. I would already have to change planes in Denver. The awesome part is that we can totally pull it off! God has blessed us with an income to be able to do this for ourselves. It would only be me going, I think it would be too hard for the kids, especially Michael, to say goodbye to Daddy again. Plus, to be blatantly and a little cruelly honest, I really want to be selfish with this time with Matt. Is that wrong?

Michael's been having a hard time since Matt left. He's been waking up in the middle of the night and coming to sleep with me. I've been really bad about not putting him back in bed... I try to put him back, but by the third time he comes out of his room I'm just too tired to get up again. And tonight he wet the bed. I've been really lucky in that he's never wet the bed since getting rid of the pull-ups at night. He went right back to sleep once I changed the sheets on his bed though. Thank goodness I was still awake, it would have really sucked to have to change his bed half asleep.

I've had a lot of great support in these last few months, so I want to thank every one who's been there for us. Both sides of our family for letting us visit, Julie and Kerry for the fun dates that we've gone on (and your husbands who braved watching all of our kids), Kerry and Heather for babysitting for me, especially when its been at the last minute. And I can't even begin to express how much your prayers have meant to us. Its the most powerful tool we have, and we've really felt it; so thank you.

Ok, I think I'm tapped for topics, so I'm going to wrap up this blog. Thanks for letting me ramble!

He's gone...

Matt left yesterday.  There was a deployment ceremony in La Grande... it was just the Dog & Pony Show, really. The Governor was there to stroke his own ego and reputation, they introduced the wives of the commanders, letters were read by the assistants of senators who didn't feel like coming, and all the while I was thinking, "I could be spending time with my husband right now!" After the ceremony, they dismissed the companies to spend time with their family members, except Alpha company... Matt's company.  This was the group of men who Governor Ted decided to shake hands with EVERY SOLDIER and say something personal! It was at least 20 minutes after the other soldiers had been dismissed that we finally got Matt.

But when we finally did get him, it was so awesome! There were 22 people there just to support Matt, so thank you to everyone who came out.

Matt and I got some time for just the two of us in the midst of all the craziness. We watched the kids run around and play, talked about what we're going to do when he gets home... he wants to take the family to Disneyland! I said that sounds a plan to me!

When it was time to say goodbye, the whole family walked over to Matt's bus together. I don't think I've ever walked so slow in my life! Everyone got to hug Matt and tell them that they love him. We tried to make it as fast and as painless as possible, as impossible as it was.  It was a nice theory! Matt cried when he held Karleigh. Michael gave Daddy a great big smasher hug. Then it was my turn. We had already said everything that could be said, so we just held eachother. I tried to take in what he felt like, what he smelled like, memorize his kiss.

We watched him walk away, and he turned around to wave at the door of the bus. The windows were shaded so we couldn't see inside. We stood there until they drove away. They had a police escort out of town... the busses just kept coming, there had to have been close to 15. When the last bus disappeared we all just looked at eachother.  There was nothing to say. I went into complete denial and started to organize where we were going to lunch before we left town! We went to eat as a family and talked about Matt and told the stories about him as a child that we've all heard a million times, but they still make us laugh and smile. We parted ways after that. I drove back to Pilot Rock with my mom and Karleigh, and Michael drove with my dad.

Last night was just kind of numb. I did laundry and dishes, made dinner for the kids, pretty much anything to keep from sitting, because sitting would mean thinking, and thinking would mean crying.

So, now its around 2:30 on Wednesday, I have to go pick up Michael from school in a few minutes. My parents left around 1, Karleigh is sleeping, and the house has been quiet. I still haven't had a good cry. It will happen, I'm just not sure when.

Keep Matt in your prayers, he will being going through a lot in the next few months. Thank you everyone for your love and support. We appreciate it!

Hooter Memoirs

     So this is a picture of the bra that I got! I'm just too excited not to share, and Heaven knows that no ones going to see me wearing it, and I figure this gal already has 'em out and on display, so what the heck.
Its not in the color I got, they didn't have this one available in my size.  In fact, when I got my shipping confirmation it said that only one bra shipped and the other one got cancelled! Well I got right on the phone to Nordstrom and found out what happened; I literally got the LAST bra in this style in my size! There was only one left! So the lady that I was talking to offered to waive the shipping if I wanted to choose another bra instead!  It was actually really fun! I logged on to the website and looked at the other bras while we talked!  We talked about kids and husbands, treating ourselves once in a while (wink!) and then she placed my order for the new bra that I picked out.  Its more along the lines of a "T-shirt Bra".  I didn't know what that meant before; its really simple but pretty, and they had it in a "Sand" color.  I suppose I need something that's more of a nude color anyway!  It should be here a few days after my first one gets here.  I'm so excited!
     Its been fun reading your comments on my last blog.  I love what Nicole says about being happy to get things for her husband and kids, I get a lot of pleasure from getting them things too... it makes me happy.  Carie, you were so on the money (ha!) about how differently moms seem to spend "extra" money than our husbands do. Julie hit it on the nose when she said the word guilt... why do we do that? God made us very strange indeed! No wait, fearfully and wonderfully made... that's what I meant! Sarah, I'm glad you got over laying down for the cause... I wish you were still here so I could meet up with you at Walmart for "therapy"! :-)
    
I love you my ladies!

For Ladies' Eyes Only! *wink*

I have a minor issue with spending money on myself.  I have a hard time justifying getting stuff for myself when the kids or the house or Matt needs something.  Maybe its just in those worn out, holes-in-the-knees mommy genes (ha!), but there's always someone who should get before Mom.

But ladies, I bought myself 2 new bras!!!  The last time I bought a new bra Michael was 6 months old!  One of the main reasons is because the bras were $68 each and I had to get 2.  I'm a 34G (yep!), so one of the only places I've been able to find my size in a decent design is at Norstrom.  I've been to specialty stores where the bras are just as expensive but are UGLY!!!

I can't find anyplace in Pendleton that carries my size.  I've been looking for a few months because the under wire in one of my two bras BROKE! It totally snapped! So I've been down to one bra for awhile, and while I was in Portland last weekend my other bra broke! The under wire on the same side as my other bra broke. So what did I do? I dissected my bras! I took the whole under wire out of the first bra and put it in the droopy side of the second one. Yep, I now have a Frankenstein Bra!

But this morning as I was putting on my bra, I saw the stitching on the inside of the cup and do you know what I thought? "Why shouldn't I get a new bra? Its been 4 years since I bought a new one, we're in a place where we can afford it... why shouldn't I get a new bra?

I got online to Nordstrom's website and found the bra that I bought last time. To my delight they had added a new color (they only had beige and black 4 years ago!), a beautiful Merlot! Not so much to my delight they had added $10 to the original price... But I decided that I deserve a treat.  So I bought 2! They're going to be here in a few days! I'm so excited!!

So, thanks for letting me babble about my new bras ladies! If any gentlemen happened to stumble past my titled warning, I apologize. :-)

Michael's First Day of School

Well, Michael's first day of school was great! Dropping him off was really hard, but Mrs. Harp said that he did great!

When I went to pick him up I pulled in and parked next to the other moms.  I was there about 5 minutes early, so I waited in the car until I saw all of the kids lining up next to the door. Mrs. Harp opened the door and all of the kids came running out of the classroom. Michael took a few steps out then stopped to look for me.  I called to him, he saw me and he just ran! "MOMMY!"

I stooped down and asked him, "Did you have fun?" He goes, "Mommy we sang a song, and colored a page, and I got a sticker, and I made a neck-a-wace out of fwoot woops, and I played with a kid..."

I don't think he took a breath during the whole thing! It was so cute. He asked if he could call Daddy to tell him about his day.

So here we are, Day 2. Oh how quickly things change!

I can't wait to drop Michael off at school! I'm so excited to put Karleigh down for her nap and then clean my house! 2 whole, uninterrupted hours all to myself, and I want to clean! Crazy!

So here I go.... My goal for the afternoon: Pick up, dust and vacuum the living room, dining room and kitchen before I have to pick up Michael at 3. Hopefully I will be able to find my keys (I've been using Matt's keys for the last 3 days!) so I can go get the mail!

Tally Ho!!!!

The end of Operation Iraqi Freedom... What does that mean for us?

Mere hours after our president's address from the Oval Office, we're already getting messages from people asking if Matt is still going overseas.  Yes, he is. We've known about the situation for a while, and even I asked Matt if he would still be going when I first heard about it.

Today has been a really hard day for me.  Michael starts school tomorrow! I can't believe that my baby is going to be in school! I've already changed the batteries in the camara, I've picked out his clothes, packed his backpack, and decided on where in the yard I'm going to take his pictures.  And he's only going to be in class for 2 hours! And on top of my mister starting school, this is the first "thing" that's really happening without Matt. He's not going to get to walk him in to his classroom or show him where to hang up his coat.

Ok... pulling it together!

I feel like I'm going backward with my emotions. I'm starting to lose it and cry more than I did at first.  I was kicking butt right after Matt left.  I was getting stuff done, going and doing and accomplishing, and now I feel like all I do is cry. And he's not even gone yet! I get to see him in 2 weeks. And THEN he's gone!

But when we talk on the phone I'm fine.  On the advice (or was it orders?) of my grandmother, "When you talk on the phone with Matt, you tell him "everything is fine!"

She told me that when Grandad would call her while he was away with the Navy that she did the same thing... This is what the conversation looked like at the family BBQ right before Matt left.

"When Grandad would call I would tell him that everything was great, that I loved him and that I'd see him soon.  Then when we hung up the phone I would bawl like a baby!" she said.
"Really? You cried?" asked Grandad.
"Of course!" said Nanny, "I lived with your mother!!"

That's 55 years of love and devotion!

So I've Started a Blog

Well, here it is. I know that I've always enjoyed journalling, but we'll see how this Blog thing goes.  I've never had one, but I saw that an old friend was asking questions about starting one, and it just planted a seed in my head.

Maybe this will be a good place to put all of the things that I'm going through with Matt's deployment, but then who wants to read about the emotional roller coaster that I'm on with being a somewhat "single" mom for the next year? Well, I guess no one has to read it, it would just be out there in cyberspace for the whole world to see should they choose to.  That's kinda scary when I really take the time to think about it.  Its funny how we've gotten to the point that we want the whole world to know our business with Facebook, MySpace, Twitter, Blogs... and we used to freak out when our parents would read our diaries or go through our backpacks! Its strange how life has changed so drastically.

Matt has been gone for 9 days... it feels like 3 weeks.  He's only been able to call home once, and that was on Saturday. We got to Skype for about 2 1/2 minutes on Sunday, and this morning he sent me a very brief text message saying that he was thinking about me and that he's only gotten 2 hours of sleep in the last 30 hours.  Poor guy.  I know that they're training hard, which is good, obviously. In the last few years he's really been frustrated about the level of training and how they just seem to sit on their butts in the desert while they're at AT.
I've actually been doing pretty good since he's been gone. I really lost it when my mom was here. I think it was just having my mom and being able to let down and know that I was safe. She got in around 9:30, and she quickly produced pudding cups for the kids, and then pulled out two individual pints of ice cream.  Yeah, that was when I really broke down.  Years ago my dad was working nights and she wasn't used to being alone at night.  She called me at a friends house around midnight. She was sad that she was alone and missing dad.  She apologized that she had called crying, and then did the whole "I'll let you go" thing.  I knew that she needed me, so I left my friend's house, swung by safeway and got 2 pints of ice cream and went home to be with my mom.  We ate ice cream, switching back and forth between the 2 pints. That was where our friendship really began. We had always been somewhat close as mother and daughter, but we were friends.
So when she pulled out that ice cream, she said, "Its my turn! You never know when a kindness is going to be repaid." Yep, I lost it. We had a great time doing our yard sale together, she helped me clean up the house, and then we played Scrabble on Sunday afternoon.  We haven't played in forever, and I gave her a sound thrashing! :-)
Matt doesn't get to come home until the 13th of September, and he's only here for a few days before they head down south for more training. Forgive the vague nature of my descriptions, there's only so much that I can say. But it looks like our big goodbye is going to be during his few days at home. We most likely won't get to see him again before they go overseas.
Michael starts school on the 1st of September, so Matt won't be here for his first day of school.  He'll be able to take him for a few days while he's home, so I'm glad that he gets to at least experience that.
When I got to talk to Matt on Saturday he sounded really good.  Tired, but good. I'm not sure what else to write.  Maybe that means that I'm supposed to wrap this up? I'll get this blog thing down eventually!